According to data from the Center for Disease Control, one in 175 births is stillborn and an estimated one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage, including some happening without any knowledge of the pregnancy. It was through this awful circumstance of pregnancy loss that Sarah Hackett first met Kristi Bothur almost 15 years ago. Out of their shared grief, the women worked to create several ministries to others experiencing these types of losses.

“Whether couples are experiencing grief and disappointment through fertility struggles, pregnancy loss, or sudden infant death circumstances, we want them to know that God is there to walk with them and that they are not alone,” Sarah says.

After Sarah and her husband experienced the stillbirth of their daughter Bri at 38 weeks and Kristi and her husband Eric’s pregnancy loss of daughter Naomi happened at 18 weeks, both women sought comfort in a hospital-sponsored support group. They also recognized the need for more resources. Months later, when both women became pregnant again, they decided to begin meeting closer to where they lived in order to continue encouraging each other through their fears and anxieties.  

“Meeting Kristi was a lifeline. I felt so alone because I didn’t know anyone who had dealt with a stillbirth and the sadness and trauma that comes with it,” says Sarah, acknowledging their shared language of grief.

Soon, a third mother who was expecting again after a pregnancy loss found them, and the women began meeting monthly at Spring Valley Baptist, where the Bothers have been members since 2002. “All three of us delivered healthy babies at that time, but continued to meet. We found yet another friend who had lost a baby, and the group began growing organically by word of mouth,” Kristi explains.

The group became known as “Naomi’s Circle,” in honor of Kristi’s daughter. In the next few years, Spring Valley began supporting the ministry financially for food and childcare during meetings, and for the launch of a hospital ministry. The group continues to meet at the church on the second Thursday evening of each month.

“As we grew, we wanted to offer regular support, resources to parents, and build awareness where we could, especially within churches,” Kristi says of the gatherings, which never have an agenda but always include at least two leaders to help meet the participants’ needs. “We sit, we eat, we talk, and we pray.”

It’s mostly women who attend Naomi’s Circle, and they might come for a few months or for several years. Attendance fluctuates with as many as a dozen women participating at any point and, at times, a second group meeting is offered for specific needs. Local nursing students have also come to observe meetings to better serve patients experiencing pregnancy loss.

“We have had a variety of grieving people with different backgrounds and circumstances, but our goal is to love them and share the comfort and hope that God has given us,” Kristi says.

Sarah notes the ministry engages “women who are where we once were. Now, we are steady and strong so we can be helpful to them where they are in their grief.”

Rachel and Derek Raper were newlyweds when they met the Bothurs at Spring Valley and heard their story. Fourteen years ago, when the couple experienced the 36-week stillbirth of their son Evan, they found comfort through Naomi’s Circle.

“To have actual people who had been through this was a great source of connection and healing,” Rachel recalls. “My first meeting was two weeks after my loss, and I met five ladies who had experienced stillbirths at the same stage of pregnancy.”

Rachel met Sarah through Naomi’s Circle and the women quickly bonded over their similar experiences. Rachel, who now serves as a ministry leader, partnered with Sarah to create “Mommy to Mommy Outreach,” a hospital care package ministry in memory of their infants. Teddy bears are donated through “Embracing Evan” and paired with “Bri Bags,” which contain two sets of infant caps and diapers (one pair may be included with the baby in burial), literature, and information about Naomi’s Circle. Hospital staff distribute the care packages to patients.  

Naomi’s Circle also offers grief support to fathers. Eric Bothur, who serves as the bivocational pastor of South Beltline Baptist, is available to talk with fathers. “Men and women tend to grieve very differently, and that is okay. Seeking God each step of the grieving process helps them progress, and the church can join in this,” he says.

Since the 1980’s, October has been designated as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Month. The Bothers encourage churches to acknowledge this as a ministry to grieving members. Because yellow roses are frequently used to mark the occasion, Spring Valley gives a rose from a larger bouquet of yellow roses to anyone attending October services who has experienced pregnancy loss.

Many Spring Valley members have expressed to Kristi how meaningful the October observance is to them, including some who experienced a loss many years ago when the topic wasn’t openly discussed. “We want to be a part of the conversation with churches for awareness and to help them be sensitive to the needs of members in this situation.”

Sarah challenges churches to become a lifeline for pregnancy loss support and wants pastoral staff to acknowledge “the importance of ministering to these women, for their mental health and for their marriages. Miscarriages and stillbirths are terrifying and sad; no one wants to talk about it, but it’s everywhere. Someone in your church has experienced this or knows someone who has.”

Individuals have walked away from faith after the loss of a child, and Eric reminds churches that how they deal with this “impacts a person’s involvement with church and their personal walk with God. It’s when people need the church the most and churches can make the biggest impact by showing them love.”

Pregnancy loss represents a spectrum of silent grief that should be met with community. “People don’t know why you’re different or can’t keep the church nursery anymore. But we need this proximity to others, especially in our grief,” Rachel says. “Just like a congregation needs to meet in person in order to be the body of Christ, Naomi’s Circle needs these gatherings. I’m thankful that our church supports us so that we have this opportunity.”

If you or someone you know has experienced pregnancy loss, visit www.naomiscircle.org to learn more about Naomi’s Circle’s monthly meetings and Kristi Bothur’s blog to access links to related articles and resources.